Emotional Intelligence & FULL Original Fearless Listening Workbook

 

Table of Contents

COURSE 1 Fearless Leadership—The unquestionable importance of emotional intelligence 5

1.1 Steps to Achieve Objectives 6

1.2 Not Without Trust 7

1.3 Journal Prompts 12

1.3.a Journal Prompt 1: 12

1.3.b Journal Prompt 2: 13

1.3.c Journal Prompt 3: 14

1.3.d Journal Prompt 4: 14

1.3.e Journal Prompt 5: 15

1.4 Practical Action Plan Worksheet Packet 16

1.4.a Activity 1: 16

1.4.b Activity 2: 16

1.4.c Activity 3: 20

1.4.d Activity 4: 20

1.4.e Activity 5: 21

1.4.f Activity 6: 22

1.4.g Activity 7: 22

1.4.h Activity 8: 24

1.5 Group Activity:  “Dealing with life” 25

I COULD ALSO PLACE THE VARIOUS DISCUSSION PROMPTS FOR THE TEAM FOR EACH PART HERE.

 

I COULD ALSO PLACE THE ACTION STEPS FOR THE TEAM HERE AS WELL

 

I COULD ALSO PLACE THE GROUP ACTIVITIES BASED ON EACH PART HERE…..

 

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Course Content Overviews

 

COURSE 1: Fearless Leadership—The unquestionable importance of emotional intelligence

Overview—This course will outline the importance of emotional intelligence (EI) on the success of a team member and ultimately the team.  Emotional intelligence will be defined and built on as a foundational aspect of an effective and innovative team.

Benefits to the learner—The learner will be made aware of their own emotional intelligence and will have the opportunity to identify their EI strengths and weaknesses with personal activities, group activity suggestions, and resources to further reading and understanding.

 

  1. Fearless Leadership—The unquestionable importance of emotional intelligence

Suggested reading/viewing:

 

  1. The power of emotional intelligence.  Travis Bradberry. TEDxUCIrvine.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auXNnTmhHsk
  2. Emotional Intelligence in leadership. MindTools.com. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_45.htm
  3. 7 Habits of highly effective people. Stephen R. Covey

 

Learning Objectives

Objective 1

Define and understand emotional intelligence.

Objective 2

Understand and begin to practice the five areas of emotional intelligence.

Objective 3

Be able to recognize your own emotional state before interacting in a team setting.

Objective 4

Learn to train and strengthen your emotional intelligence.

Objective 5

Learn to recognize, understand and resolve conflicts.

 

  1. Steps to Achieve Objectives

 

Increasing emotional intelligence can be guided by six categories.  Mindfulness, Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  Increasing your aptitude in these areas will increase your overall emotional intelligence and positively affect your contributions in a leadership and/or team-oriented role.

Step 1

Self-awareness

Practicing mindfulness is to focus on remaining fully conscious and aware in every situation; physically and emotionally. Becoming mindful is what allows us to override our physical and emotional responses to stimuli. 

 

Step 2) 

Self-awareness.  Keep a journal and slow down.  The first element of emotional intelligence is to be self-aware.  To increase your own emotional self-awareness consider maintaining an emotional journal that chronicles your thoughts and feelings, this can help raise your emotional self-awareness.  In moments of intense emotions, try to slow down your reaction time by taking a moment to identify why your response is so strong.  This will take practice and you will fail at times.  Just remember that when it comes to emotional responses you have a choice.

Step 3) 

Self-regulation.  Increasing self-awareness leads to self-regulation.  As you become more aware of your own emotional state you will learn to practice more self-regulation.  Being able to regulate your own emotional response.  It is important to understand your values, practice being calm and maintain personal accountability.  Holding yourself accountable for your participation in negative interactions will help you to self-regulate.  Accountability in both negative and positive situations will help to hone your emotional awareness, aid in self-regulation and increase your overall emotional intelligence.

Step 4) 

Stay motivated!  Motivation is a strong key to your emotional state.  To ensure that you maintain interest in your project you may need to thoroughly evaluate why you are participating or want to participate on a team.  Practice optimism.  Optimism is trainable and is directly connected with your self-awareness and self-regulation.  Practice seeing the glass half-full.  You can begin by actively complimenting a pessimistic thought with an optimistic thought.  It may not seem to work at first but over time you will find those optimistic thoughts come more easily.

Step 5) 

Empathy.  For those who are leaders or aspire to be leaders within their organization, empathy is essential to connect with your personnel.  As a teammate, having empathy for your fellow cohorts is essential to foster a healthy and fluid environment.  As a leader, it is essential to gain trust and loyalty from those you are asking to follow in your direction.  Practice putting yourself in the shoes of others, focus in on body language and do not be afraid to respond to feelings.  Start first by practicing the art of acknowledging and validating the feelings of others.  Once you recognize that someone is upset or even happy about something, acknowledge and validate those feelings.  Repeating this practice will create a safe environment for which people are able to be safe in their feelings.

 

Step 6) 

Social skills. Practice increasing your social skills by improving communication skills and developing strength in conflict resolution.  When conflicts arise practice making it a point to understand the foundation of the conflict.  Before you react, make sure you have made every effort to understand why people are upset.

 

  1. Not Without Trust

Creatures of emotional habit

As human beings, many of us recognize and accept we are creatures of habit; vessels of repetitive motion.  What is less recognizable and less understood is—human beings are also creatures of emotional habit; vessels of repetitive E-motion; and just as we can train ourselves in muscle memory, we train ourselves in emotional memory as well.  Emotions are consistent drivers of human behaviors.  Every individual (at some level) is striving for constant emotional validation and if you are a person who is lead, or who is leading, it is important to understand this aspect of human nature.  Emotional intelligence is the capacity to recognize, manage and evaluate personal emotions as well as the emotions of others.  Strong emotional intelligence is necessary for effective leadership and is required for success.  Innovation occurs when team members feel safe and comfortable within their environment.  Safety and comfort grow from trust; adequate emotional intelligence brews trust.  Therefore, emotional intelligence is at the foundation of all workplace success.  Emotional intelligence is comprised of five categories:  self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skills.  Effective execution in each of these areas equate to successful relationships in and out of the workplace.

 

First things first…ITS ALL ABOUT YOU!

 

Do not forget—IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU!…..and for every individual it is all about them as well.  To make everything about yourself is the default setting of every human being.  Even when you think you are not making it about you…you are.  Being able to understand and relate to others will not happen naturally until you understand people ONLY see the world through the narrow corridor of their own experiences.  This is worth repeating: people ONLY see the entire world through the narrow corridor of their own experiences. Even when considering and relating to those we love and cherish the most, we are only seeing their happiness or pain as it relates to our own happiness or pain.  Therefore, it is essential to constantly strive to view ourselves truthfully and objectively.  When we lose objectivity and are unable to turn a clear mirror on ourselves we lose reliable sensitivities and begin to drift further from reality.  If you refuse to see your contribution to negative encounters with others then it is easy to place blame on the other person.  Removing yourself from blame will inevitably lead to “the-whole-world-is-out-to-get-me” narrative, when in reality most of the people you encounter are just trying to survive you.

 

Build from trust.

 

What exactly is trust?  The direct dictionary definition of trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something (Merriam-Webster; trust).  Simply put, trust is the name you give to any behaviors/outcomes you can rely on.  And make no mistake, trust has both positive and negative connotations.  Positive trust is easy to identify: you can trust your mom will take good care of your kids, you can trust your best friend will be at your wedding, and you can trust your local grocery store will be open till 11p.m.  You have built trust in these statements because the overwhelming majority of your past experiences have not given you reasons not to.  You have never felt concerned after picking up your children from you mom’s house, you feel your best friend has never let you down when its important and your grocery store has never failed to be open until 11 p.m.  Negative trust may not be as recognizable but you may:  trust your cousin will borrow your black t-shirt and never return it, you trust your son will forget to feed the dog, and you trust your boss will not consider your recommendations for changes in the office.  All the examples you’ve read represent elements of trust, but what does this mean in the workplace?

 

Why is trust important?

 

If you cannot trust your boss to respect you, or your coworker to value your skills then the workplace environment becomes tense and potentially hostile.  Creativity is stifled when team members do not trust their supervisors or coworkers will respect their contributions and take them seriously.  Trust is hugely emotional as it requires one individual to expose vulnerabilities that can be exploited or cherished by another.  Experience provides us with insight on which result we should expect in any given situation.  From those we trust we expect our vulnerabilities to be cherished and protected, from those we do not trust we expect our vulnerabilities to be taken advantage of and used against us.

 

Build trust

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Make this statement a motto, to guide your thoughts, to guide your actions, to guide your life.  Make promises and keep them—no excuses!  Do not avoid making promises, this does more damage to relationships than people realize.  Promises must be made, and they must be kept.  Keep your promises simple, ensure you are promising something you can deliver, then deliver.  Kept promises, build reliability, build hope, strengthen all relationships, and leads to trust.

Say no, when you mean no.  It is better to just say no, even if it is for shallow or selfish reasons, than it is to commit and disappoint.  By saying “no” right away you do not risk damaging whatever trust you have gained.  Most likely you will gain respect from the person you say no to for being truthful even if it hurts their feelings.

 

Learn to repair trust

 

Repairing damaged trust is a slow process requiring diligence, commitment and patience.  Being untrustworthy, unreliable, noncommittal is a way of life, it is habitual—being trustworthy, reliable, committed is a way of life—it must become habitual.  What is most important is to stick to your changes and be predictable in your responses.  Pick changes in areas you can maintain consistency.  Punctuality and attendance are possibly the easiest ways to build trust.  If you’ve been unreliable in punctuality and attendance previously then commit to being present and on-time.  It really is that simple.  Cut out the excuses and put in the work to be where you are expected to be and/or be there on time.

Be truthful with yourself so you can be truthful with others.  When there is no intention to be on time to something, or even show up, then do not say that you will.  That’s it!  If you know you are not going to do those things, do not lead people to believe you will.  You will not provide support to a peer—do not say that you will.  You hate the idea of joining a coworker carpool—don’t join the damn carpool.

 

Dealing with untrustworthy people

 

It would be nice to have every workplace be a utopia of trust and safety but the truth is not at all the case.  At some point in your career you will have to deal with untrustworthy coworkers, team members and bosses.  So what can you do?

Keep a paper trail.  Always be on alert for those situations that can be turned against you, act with integrity and keep a legitimate paper trail to cover your steps.  Maintain relevant emails, or any other type of written correspondence.  Note important conversations and never be afraid to request information and commitments in writing from third parties, remaining ever diligent, constantly supporting a defensive wall of fact around your personal image and integrity.

Keep your guard up.  Being instructed to “keep your guard up” may seem counterintuitive in a discussion surrounding emotional intelligence.  On the contrary, recognizing who to trust and who not to trust is a part of emotional intelligence and can be of aid in many workplace situations.  Having deemed a coworker (or supervisor) untrustworthy, and subsequently keeping that person at a comfortable distance without causing social or political “drama” in the workplace will require unwavering emotional intelligence.  This can be a very delicate tango at times but can be danced successfully with patience and dedication.

Keep your thoughts to yourself.  Again—counter intuitive, I get it, bear with me.  The rules have to change a bit when you are dealing with an untrustworthy coworker (or supervisor).  It can be dangerous to your career and to your workplace social life if you reveal or share too much around someone who cannot be trusted.  You risk losing credit for great ideas or you can find an aspect of your personal life is the new gossip topic in the break room, leading to an unnecessary impromptu “mentoring” from someone who probably should not be serving advice.

Dealing with untrusting people.  Perhaps the most important way to deal with untrusting coworkers is to understand and relate to why they do not trust others.  Four of the most common reasons people develop distrusting attitudes in the workplace are:  lack of confidence, lack of hope, a sense of injustice and a desire for change.  How does one combat these negatives?  With positive communication, collaboration, transparency and respect.  Make everyone feel included and valued, fostering an environment of trust for everyone.  Do not try to focus on a single distrusting individual.  Instead, create a healthy and trusting environment for all.  Encourage collaboration and engagement between leaders and followers and place heavy emphasis on transparency and engagement.

 

How and why do most organizations get this wrong?

 

Organizations that have low morale or untrusting employees have a tendency to fail at the four major trust categories mentioned previously: communication, collaboration, transparency and respect.  Without positive strength in these areas, across the organization, it is difficult to develop innovative and effective teams.  Individuals must feel safe and secure to realize their full creative potential.  Strict, structured, bureaucratic organizations will struggle with increasing innovation and moving in new directions because their processes are inherently slow and are heavily based on titles and authority.  Organizations who get this wrong (and by “this” I mean trust) are not asking the following questions:

 

Is everyone involved?

 

Leaders must ask themselves if enough people are involved, then constantly evaluate if the “right” people are participating in the decision making process, then engage.  If you are the head executive of a division or branch of an organization tasked with updating and remodeling your branch office of 100 people, who should be involved in the decision making process?  If you are getting it wrong you will only mention other executives and those in leadership roles.  But what does this imply to the people who actually sit, work and mingle in those spaces?  To make decisions for others without their consideration only says two things:  (1) leadership does not trust your ability to make these decisions, and (2), your wants/desires/needs are not important to me or the organization.  If leadership cannot recognize that those directly affected by a decision should be involved (at a reasonable capacity) then they are getting it wrong!  Trust is diminished.

 

Is everyone empowered?

 

Do your people feel they have a voice?  Can any individual contribute to a discussion?  Is there space for all levels of employees to express their comments, questions and concerns?  If the answer to any of these questions is “no” then your organization is getting it wrong.  It is irrational to believe every employee can be involved in every decision.  No one wants the new employee in the mail room sitting in on engineering safety designs for a vehicle.  However, if the employee is well over 6 feet tall, he or she may have some insight on comfort and accommodations.  The point is…if you are a leader it is your job to seek out every opportunity to involve every perspective available to you.  If your organization has a customer service issue, talk to your customer services representatives and find out their perspective.  And for the sake of all things rational….TALK TO YOUR CUSTOMERS!  Engage, involve, and elevate.

 

Do your coworkers trust you?  Do they trust each other??

 

Make sure your people matter…and they know it.  Organizations and leaders who fail to connect with their employees, fail because a lack of attention has been paid to gaining (protecting) trust, focusing instead on profits, obsessing over bottom lines, greed, selfish dictatorships, never ending undercutting in upper ranks, subordinates constantly in the dark, never feeling valued, never feeling respected—never trusting.  These organizations have employees that do not trust executives, supervisors or the organization as whole.  These organizations and leaders typically have failed in the areas of inclusion and empowerment, directly influencing trust.  Employees who do not feel as if they matter, never developing a sense of belonging, never feeling safe, will not trust their organization.  Low morale and a lack of trust is directly reflective of leadership methods and organizational structure.

 

What are the benefits of getting this right?

 

Simply dedicating your team or your organization to communication, collaboration, transparency and respect will increase trust and help to realize the benefits of effective leadership.  Members who are valued, consulted and respected feel safe and are therefore more positive and more creative in their efforts.  Consider altering leadership structures to include and consider the values and needs of those who are led.  Empower every employee and you will empower the entire organization.  Strict, authoritative organization structures confine individuals emotionally and creatively.  To be a great leader and to build a great organization requires collaboration, commitment and contribution from every member.

 

  1.  Journal Prompts

 

Mindfully Emotional.  Can you recall a time where you seemingly magically arrived in your own driveway?  Or better yet, a time when you magically found your drive way even though you were supposedly heading to that grocery store on the other side of XYZ Street?  Or one of my favorites.  You rise out of your love seat, full of purpose, only to arrive at your destination and have no idea what you travelled there for?  You think to yourself, “I’m not hungry, why did I walk to the kitchen?”  Or “Why am I in my kid’s room?”  These are all cases of habit.  You magically arrived in your driveway without being mindful of your path because you have trained your subconscious mind to recognize certain streets and certain milestones to mean “I’m going home brain, take me there!”  Also the reason why you may end up in your driveway even when you were planning to go somewhere else.  The path to the supermarket on the other side of XYZ Street starts out with the same two streets as your house.  For all of us there are repetitive actions that have been done at so many intervals that we basically just load a memory cartridge into our brain that says, “Doing this for the gazilienth time” and our body simply goes through the motion.  Which is why we don’t stop in our tracks the moment we forget why we were going to the kitchen, nor do we actually realize we’ve forgotten until it’s too late and we’ve arrived, heads hanging low in disappointment at our inability to override our own brains.  Scary as it sounds, our emotional response in many familiar cases are just as programmable.  Husband comes home late—load “I’m pissed!”.  Dad didn’t show up to your recital—load “sadness and disappointment”.  Becoming mindful is what allows us to override our physical and emotional responses to stimuli.  According to the staff at mindful.org: 

“Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.”

-Mindful Staff at Mindful.org

Loosing mindfulness is what leads to overly reactive or overwhelming emotional responses in our daily lives, becoming lost in emotions, engulfed in the moment, and powerless to control our contributions to our own outcomes.  The following journal prompts are designed to lead you down a path of emotional clarity and mindfulness.  Mindfulness and emotional control begin with the self

  1. Journal Prompt 1: 

 

Self- awareness.  Write about what you are feeling right now. 

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  1. Journal Prompt 2: 

 

Self-Regulation.  Write about a time when your emotions got the best of you.  What would you have liked to have done differently?

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  1. Journal Prompt 3: 

 

Stay motivated.  Why do you show up to work each day?  What would you like to accomplish?

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  1. Journal Prompt 4: 

Empathy.  Honestly ask yourself if you are sensitive to the feelings of others?  Do you change your actions or words to avoid hostile interactions?  Do you consider how the other person/people may feel about what you may say or do?  This is not a moment to defend yourself, this is a moment to identify with yourself and come to terms with how you are currently handling the emotions of others.

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  1. Journal Prompt 5:  

 

Social skills.  How do you handle conflicts in the workplace?  Outside of the workplace?  In a team setting?

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  1.  Practical Action Plan Worksheet Packet

 

  1. Activity 1: 

Maintaining a journal.  The spaces provided on the following pages will serve as your journal for the next 14 days as you journey towards a higher, more insightful level of emotional intelligence.  To begin this process, use the space below to write your commitment statement.  The commitment statement is meant to represent your commitment to this process my designating a time each day to reflect on thoughts and feelings guided by this action plan.

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  1. Activity 2:

Day 1 thru 3Self-awareness (part I).  Log three entries a day consistently for three days, acknowledging your most prominent emotional responses recalled from the day.  When logging your entries, be sure to answer the following questions.  What did you feel was the trigger?  What word would sum up your initial response?  What did you think of the other person(s) involved?  What did you think about yourself?  What did you share, if anything, with the other person(s) involved?  On day 4 write a letter to yourself on the progress you have made in your own emotional self-awareness.

Day 1—Entry 1 

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Entry 2

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Entry 3

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Day 2—Entry 1 

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Entry 2

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Entry 3

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Day 3—Entry 1 

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Entry 2

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Entry 3

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Day 4—Reflect on your enhanced self-awareness of your own emotional state.  What have you realized in the last seven days?  Write a letter to who you were seven days ago and offer yourself some advice for some of the situations you wrote about in day 1 thru 4.

Dear Self, ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  1. Activity 3:  

Day 5: Self- awareness (part II).  Reflect on a time where you were in an argument or experienced tension between yourself and another person.  Then, answer the question, “What was my emotional role in the conflict?”  How did my emotions help the situation?  How did it hurt?

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  1. Activity 4: 

Day 6 and 7:  Self-regulation.  At the end of each day answer the question in your journal, “Did I hold myself emotionally accountable?”  (Have you taken responsibility for your emotional contribution to the situation?)

Day 6

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Day 7

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  1. Activity 5: 

Day 8 and 9:  Stay Motivated.  Each day (preferably in the morning) answer the question: “What is my motivation today?”  What helps me to feel fulfilled?

Day 8

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Day 9

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  1. Activity 6: 

Day 10 and 11: Empathy.  To practice strengthening your empathy at the end of each day (10 & 11) you will identify in your journal at least two instances where you consciously placed yourself in the emotional shoes of someone else.  Reflect on what you noticed may have been how that other person was feeling at the time.  Then acknowledge if your emotional response to that person changed as a result of your insight.

Day 10

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Day 11

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  1. Activity 7:

Day 12 and 13: Social Skills.  Identify and observe conflicts that may occur during days 12 thru 13 and note what was done (if anything) and what could have been done.  Do you agree with the methods of conflict resolution that were used?  Did the conflict seem unprovoked?  Do you understand why the conflict arose in the first place?  These are questions to ask and answer in your journal for these two days.

Day 12

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Day 13

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  • Activity 8: 

Day 14—“Where am I now?”  On this day take the time to write about how far you have come emotionally on your fourteen-day journal journey.  What did you notice the most about your own emotional responses?  What do you consider to be an emotional strength for you?  Weakness?

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  1. Group Activity:  “Dealing with life”

 

Instructions

Have group members write down 3 negative events that have actually happened to them over a defined amount of time (i.e. a week, 3 days, a month).  Provide the group with strips of paper and ensure that each member writes their incidents as anonymous authors.  Once done, each strip will be folded and placed in the center of the table, inside a hat, a basket, etc. and then thoroughly shuffled.  Examples of negative events can be traffic tickets, trips to the emergency room that took x amount of hours, poor grades from children, and fights with spouses.  Basically any event that caused a negative emotional reaction that lasted more than an hour after the event.  Once all the strips have been shuffled have each member in the group pull three strips, read them aloud and express how they might respond to those incidents happening to them.  Some questions to ask may be:  How would these events effect you in your home life?  Work life?

Once all have participated and responded this can also be used as an opportunity for reflection.  Members can reflect on their personal responses to being subjected to negative events outside of their control.  Did their events make them angry?  Sad?  Did you feel as if the combination of events was unfair?  

WHAT WAS GAINED?

 

Challenge 1: You learned the importance of inward focus.

Challenge 2:  You can confront any deficiencies in empathy for the emotional state of others.

Challenge 3:  You have the tools to recognize and overcome internal bias towards your own feelings.

Challenge 4:  You are able to practice recognizing your own contribution to positive and negative emotional situations.

Challenge 5: You now have the self-awareness to identify and articulate your own emotional status.

 

Additional Resources

 

  1. How to Increase your emotional intelligence.  https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/how-to-increase-your-emotional-intelligence.html
  2. 5 ways to develop your emotional intelligence.   https://www.forbes.com/sites/ashleystahl/2018/05/29/5-ways-to-develop-your-emotional-intelligence/
  3. Emotional intelligence development.  https://qz.com/1304343/to-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-develop-these-10-qualities/
  4. Emotional Intelligence 2.0.  Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

 

Upsell Examples

 

  1. Emotional intelligence and leadership
  2. Emotional intelligence and entrepreneurship
  3. How emotional intelligence impacts promote-ability at work.

See below for the workbook version of this post which is already formatted:

Part 8 – Simpler Self Action Plan Workbook ) (2)

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